Sexual Appetites
by Rockerdude911
Summary: It was just a typical day in the Cullen household, filled with soap operas, aerobics, a perverted Emmett, a PMSing Jasper and our favorite sexing couple! Let the fun begin!


Hey all this is my very first fanfic! I'm new to the process so i didnt edit it or anything...just call me the virgin to fanfics...

Disclaimer:

Violets are red, Roses are blue

I don't own, so please don't freakin sue

"Holy shit!" was what started off the day, as Emmett was slapped for the umpteenth time today for complaining of boredom.

Rose glared at him, her voice as venomous as her stare "Emmett the next time you complain about our soap is the LAST time you'll have your penis with you!"

Emmett, shrunken in fear over Emmett junior piqued "Can I use it one last time though?" At this remark a rouge pillow was hurled at breakneck speed towards his face.

"Shut up guys I'm trying to watch!" Alice said; her eyes focused onto the screen.

"Yeah man keep quiet, Bridget was JUST about to find out that Ethan was cheating on her with her freakin MOTHER can you believe that? Well I just think that the boy has is messed up, I mean look at BOTH of them! Their clothes looks like they belong on an eight year old, their hair is SO last year, I mean who looks like that anymore? They would probably say "How do you like my poodle? AND POINT TO THEIR DAMN HAIR! Have you seen their faces? They could be used as Halloween masks, but, I'm sure if someone wore them then they'd just be arrested for MOONING IN PUBLIC YOU UGLY PEOPLE!" Jasper spoke that last part to the screen, while pointing an accusatory finger at the above mentioned poodle haired women.

Everyone looked at Jasper in shock, surprise, and confusion as he huffed and turned away from the screen murmuring something about "Ugly women destroying my good vision"

Suddenly there was a load slam of a door in the next room, followed by muffled giggles... from two rather familiar voices. At once all interest was lost in the soap as the members in that room all looked at one another in speculation.

"This has to be illegal..." they heard Bella say in a desperately hushed voice.

"Relax; it's only illegal if we get caught." Edward replied.

Rose's mouth dropped. "Oh... my... god..."

"On the bed?" Bella could be heard asking.

"No - better not get anything sticky on the sheets - then they'd know."

"Oh..."

"On the floor!"

"But that's dirty down there!"

"You know you'd like it better down there really, Bella."

Emmett just had a stupid grin on his face and had had to cram a fist into his mouth to keep from laughing while Jasper just glared rather stoically ahead at nothing trying to conceal his large grin. Alice had flushed a very bright pink and Rose was past pink and utterly red.

"Take it off - quick!" Edward said hurriedly.

Sounds of shuffling on the floor could be heard through the literally paper thin walls and then Bella's sound of cooing appreciation.

"That looks really... different..."

"What?! It's not different... it's one of a kind, ok?"

"Look... Edward, I'm not sure about this..."

"It tastes great, I swear!"

"Well..."

"Go on... don't fight it... just give in to temptation, ok?"

"But..."

"Just put it in your mouth."

The following sounds were enough to confirm everyone's suspicions.

Rose started having a coughing fit while Emmett was already going around the room collecting the money from the girls and handing it out to the boys. "Never mess with the master of romance, ladies."

In the other room Edwards's ears pricked up. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Bella asked around her mouth full of home made ice cream.

"I wonder how thick these walls are." Edward said quietly.

"Who cares - do you want some of this?" Bella held out the tub to him.

He took her spoon and groaned as the zesty lemon ice cream melted in his mouth. Bella suppressed her laughter. "You know you'll get a cold by licking the same spoon as me."

"Hm? - urgh!" he dropped it suddenly and eyed it as if it were something evil.

"Oh now look what you've done - it's all dirty now!" Bella gasped.

"It was dirty before I dropped it."

"You really know how to sweet talk the ladies don't you?"

"Well... now what do we use to eat this stuff?"

"Our fingers?"

"Together? I am NOT eating ice cream with my fingers-that is SO unhygienic!" Edward said rather loudly.

There was a clap as if something had fallen on the floor in the next room and Rose could be heard crowing. "I KNEW it! They aren't having sex!"

Both Edward and Bella froze together and stared at each other a moment before bursting out into fits of laughter that they had to try very hard to suppress. Bella had to clamp a hand over her mouth as tears of mirth rose in her eyes, she couldn't believe what she'd just heard!

Edward suddenly got another 'brilliant' idea and leaned over to whisper something else in her ear. At this Bella broke down into more silent laughter, pressing her face into her hands to try and maintain control.

Everyone in the other room, however, was now all lined up against the wall and listening as hard as they could. "It's all gone very quiet..." Jasper commented.

"Well done, Rose, I think you just gave us away." Emmett muttered.

"What do you think they're up to now?" Rose asked quietly.

Suddenly moaning and bed squeaking rose up in the other room and simultaneously, the four all scooted back several feet.

"They could be doing..." Rose scrambled for an idea. "…Aerobics?"

"Yeah, if they're doing aerobics, then I'm a woman." Emmett held out his hand. "Pay up girls."

Rose scoffed and pushed his hand down. "How can you be sure they're actually-?"

"Oh! Edward!" the squeaking grew louder. "Don't stop!"

"Oh Bella!"

"Oh Edward!"

"Oh - dinner downstairs!" Alice grabbed Jasper and hauled him out while Rose started to sprint out of the room. Glancing over her shoulder she saw that Emmett and leaned closer to the wall. She growled, stomped over, grabbed his ear and ran out with him in tow. "I think you've proved your point!"

Edward pressed his ear against the wall and grinned. "Mission accomplished! Hey pass me some more ice cream will ya?"

It wasn't until several very awkward minutes late did the four decided to call down the rouge sex maniacs.

"Bella, Edward hurry up! The foods getting cold!" Alice yelled, hoping that what ever they were doing (which was probably each other) they would stop and come down to eat.

"I'm coming!" Bella shouted in response.

Emmett leaned towards Rose with a mock serious expression on his face and whispered, "Is she talking to us or Edward?"


End file.
